Some Words

Last week my aunt went from hospital to hospice within two days and passed away the next morning. She and I used to be really close. She had been divorced longer than I've been around and never had children, so I would spend about a week each summer through high school and college helping her around the house and just spending time together. We would spend hours on this enclosed porch she had each reading a book. Her in her chair, and me on her porch swing. 

One of those years was particularly tough for her - she lost both parents, had two major surgeries, and while I was there to help with her recovery for one of those she got the phone call with the news she had breast cancer.  But as she got older I felt as though she withdrew from the family and I let myself get so caught up in my own life post-college years that I let her do it. 

But a funny thing happened during those last few days of her life and the first few days after her death....my marriage grew stronger...

I spent those last few days feeling anxious. I would be fine one minute, then in tears the next wishing I would've fought a little harder to still have a relationship with her. Friday night my husband couldn't deal with it and avoided the emotions by talking me into just joining the group he was with from work for drinks. I had plans to make the two hour drive Saturday morning on my own to meet my family there, and when a 7am text from my dad made me realize she wasn't going to make it through the day, my husband instantly insisted he go with me. She was already unconscious by the time we made it up there, and within an hour of us getting there she took her last breath. 

My husband let me be a mess, but since we all left the hospice facility I've been calm. Still struggling, but the anxiety is gone. My aunt was at the point that she didn't want to live, and although I didn't agree with that, at least I know she got what she wanted and she's in a better place. I know my husband is simply doing what husbands are supposed to do by just being there, being kind, hugs at just the right moment, and doing grocery shopping without me asking because he can tell I just can't bring myself to do it because the task seems so exhausting. But it's made me remember exactly why I knew right from the beginning that he was it for me and for that I'm thankful.